• Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What is the best way to keep a secret?
• Lemony Snicket: Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you are kidding.

I feel so awkward when I show other people something I thought was funny and I’m like crying and can’t breathe because I’m laughing so hard and they just kind of smile at me like

(Source: sorryforpartyreichen, via petewanks)

• X Factor Contestant: *Finishes Singing "Walking On Sunshine"*
• Demi Lovato: Wow, that was amazing. You know it really reminded me of the time I spent battling with my depression, cocaine addiction, and bulimia.
• X Factor Contestant: Um, what?
• Demi Lovato: The lyrics and the melody just brought back all my struggles and to be honest I think next time you should be careful though because a song like that is beautiful but has a connotation of weight being important and that people who aren't stick skinny like Disney likes them to be aren't beautiful and they cant' achieve their dream of walking on sunshine.
• X Factor Contestant: Uh, I don't really kno-
• Demi Lovato: It's just something I feel I need to talk about because I went through it and I know wha it's like.
• X Factor Contestant: Yeah okay tha-
• Demi Lovato: Joe Jonas has a small penis.

landingfacefirst:

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops" because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door and read it to his aunts
That was the year...

(via skullcandy)